Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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