dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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