turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
