dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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