I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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