wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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