Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
