The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
