a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
