she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
