Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
