His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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