I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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