he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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