hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
