I am puke
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
