just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
