You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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