Moan for me like Helen Keller
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize