Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
