i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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