see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
