I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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