I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
