Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
