I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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