I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
