I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
