im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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