im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
