Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
