so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My life is pants optional.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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