I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
