i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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