Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
