i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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