Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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