My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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