other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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