Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
