Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
