How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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