i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
