i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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