why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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