I just made out with a guy for $7.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
