Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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