You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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