i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
