I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I know her cup size but not her name....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
