I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
