A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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