i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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