Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
