I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
