My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
