Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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