so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's never too late to be topless.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drunk is a universal language darling
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
