You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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