Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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