Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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