i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I forgot how hot balto sounded
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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