Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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