Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
